Cycle 9: October 11 to November 14, 2021
Week 2 Messages of the Week
Junior - Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced & Black Belt, Teen, and Adult
Message of the Week - Done With Bullying: How should you deal with bullying? Part 1
Last week we talked about what bullying is, and how to avoid bullying by acting with confidence and using your mind to stay smart and alert. Remember, for mean or rude behavior to be called “bullying,” it has to be deliberate and repetitive. This week we will discuss how to deal with bullying
Let’s suppose someone is being hurtful or mean, but not in a physical way. They might be saying mean things, starting rumors, laughing at someone, calling names, playing pranks, or anything that might make someone sad or angry.
Using your words
If you ever find yourself being bullied, you often times can use your words to talk your way out of trouble. Everyone say CALM. It’s important to stay calm and confident, because sometimes over-reacting is exactly what the bully wants. “C.A.L.M.” stands for:
Look the bully in the eye, and…
- You can cool down by taking some deep breaths. Practice taking deep breaths.
- You can assert yourself by speaking up for yourself in a strong and confident voice. Remember “Shykid/Superkid?” It’s time to be Superkid! Make sure you practice this at home. (Say “stop picking on me now” several times.)
- Think of some ways that you can talk you way out of trouble. Pretend that someone bully’s you by making fun of your shirt. What if they said something like, “Hey kid! That is an ugly shirt. You look like an idiot wearing it!”
Here are some of ways you can respond:
• Respond with a question like, “Why would you say that? Are you trying to be a bully?” or “Are you trying to hurt my feelings?”
• Use strong “I want” sentences like, “I want you to leave me alone” or, “I want you to stop picking on me…NOW!”
• Use their name: “Bobby, I consider you a friend and would never say that to you!”
• Act confused by saying, ‘I’m sorry, what did you say?”
• Act disappointed: “I thought you were my friend.” Or, “I can’t believe you said that to me. I never expected you to be a bully.” By saying this it puts the “Bully Stamp” on them and no one likes the title of “bully”. It might be just the truthful reflection they need to realize what type of behavior they were using.
It’s never a good idea to start yelling or pushing and it’s not a good idea to “freak out.” Getting loud or physical lets the bully know that what they are doing is working – it gives them power. Staying CALM takes the bully’s power away.
Practice at home using the words strategies above. Remember, if your words don’t seem to be working, it is always okay to leave, report the bullying, and ask for help.
Using your legs, and asking for help…
It is always good when you can handle your own problems but it is perfectly OK to get help if you need it. Let’s say you have tried ignoring the bully. You have tried standing up for yourself, but nothing is working. In this case it’s best to use the Three Times Guideline. It goes like this:
“The Three Times Guideline.”
• First time – If it has never happened before; ignore it, let it go, pretend you didn’t hear it.
• Second time – The second time it happens, it's time to use your words.
• Third time – When the words aren’t working; report it to an authority figure.
You are NOT a tattling if you ask for help. Tattling is when your motive is to get someone else in trouble. Reporting is when you let someone who can help you know that you (or another person) are being treated in a disrespectful manner. Most kids don’t want to be a tattletale. They are afraid that if they tell a parent or teacher about a bully or troublemaker, other kids will make fun of them. Asking for help in advance might be the solution. Here is how it works.
Let’s pretend that there is someone who is constantly teasing you, or threatening to beat you up all the time. Ask to meet with your teacher or yard duty attendant at a time when other kids can’t see you. Ask if they can keep an eye out for you and the bully during recess. You can bet that they will keep a close eye on the situation. This gives them a opportunity to see the situation for themselves, and when they help you, they did so because they saw what happened, and you don’t look like a tattletale.
Remember, you are NOT tattling when you let someone who can help you know that you (or another person) are being treated in a disrespectful manner. You are reporting. No one has the right to pick on you.
The Anti-Bully Pledge:
I believe everyone has the right to feel safe
I will commit to standing strong against bullying
I will treat others with respect and kindness
I have the compassion to not be a bully
And the courage to not be a bystander
It is my responsibility to help others who are being bullied
And to report bullying when I see it or when it happens to me
I will not stand by. I will stand up